Building a Positive Foundation Pt. 2

Positive Relationships

The first step toward replacing coercive practices is to identify positive skills that we already use, and then use them even more. Instead of using strategies that result in increasing AGE (Aggression, Get Even, and Escape), we want to use strategies that get others to: listen to us, want to be around us, and learn from us.

In order to accomplish this, we interact with students in the following ways, all of which are intended to increase rapport, and open-the-door for communication.

  1. Get close: Typically, within an arm’s length.

  2. Touch appropriately: High fives, pat on the back, elbow checks (SafetyCare), etc.

  3. Ask Positive Questions:

    1. Open-ended questions that do not result in “yes” or “no” responses

      1. Questions that start with “Who,” “What,” “When,” and “How.“

      2. Avoid “Why” questions.

    2. Purpose is to get information from the student.

    3. Questions about them & about subjects they are interested in.

  4. Use Empathy Statements:

    1. Use words that reflect how student may be feeling.

      1. Start empathy sentences with “Sounds like...” “Seems like...” You must be feeling...” “That must be...” “You look”

      2. Then add feeling/emotion statement.

      3. Ex: “Sounds like you had a great time this weekend!” Or, “Seems like that was hard for you.”

  5. Listen to what they have to say.

    1. Avoid problem solving and lecturing.

    2. Continue with positive questions.

    3. Avoid coercion.

  6. Use Appropriate body language: Your body and facial expressions should match with the content of what they are saying.

Elizabeth Fuqua